News Update 17-AUG-2012

»National:
*Proposed strike:
FG, Labour meeting deadlocked
*ACN urges Jonathan to sack Okupe
*Oyerinde:
Oshiomhole wants FG to probe Police, SSS contradictions
*Intrigues as Ijesa chief's trial resumes
*Police reform:
Minister says the Presidential Committee is going beyond its brief
*FG Reiterates readiness to discuss with Boko Haram
*Dana coroner:
Plane examined for 12 mins before flight – Witness
*Explosion rocks Ogoniland
*Olubolade rejects advice to scrap Police Ministry
*FAAC withdraws $1bn as excess Crude Account rises to $7.5bn
*FG improves Gas supply to PHCN, NIPP Plants
*Subsidy:
FG Pays N42.6bn to 31 Marketers
*Army Chief:
Ihejirika says "Our efforts are paying off", insists "we must stamp out Terrorism"
*2015:
PDP yet to decide on Jonathan's fate – Babatope
*Jonathan raises white paper panel on police reform report
*Nigeria, India to review air service agreement
*Pension Reforms:
Okonjo-Iweala seeks partnership with ICPC
*Lagos task force persecuting us – Landowners
*ASUU slams Elechi over Ebonyi varsity name-change
*NSCDC arrests five, recovers petrol stored in sacks
*Ogun PDP asks court to sack Oyinlola as party's national secretary
*Alamieyeseigha drums support for state police
*Onitsha traders protest demolition of structures by govt
*PHCN workers call off strike
*Why we are holding talks with Boko Haram – FG
*CBN to issue N71bn Treasury bills
*Nigeria to be included in JP Morgan index
*Govt, gas firms step up stable power bid, to clear N26b debt
*Govt warns masterminds of explosion in Ogoni
*Govt borrowed N42.67b to pay fuel subsidy, says Okonjo-Iweala
*NYSC:
Police deploy bomb detectors to schools, hostels
*Don blames mass failure in WAEC on poor funding of schools
*Deeper Life Okene Attacks:
Human Rights Group claims 'The police arrested the victims not the terrorists'
*Multi-year tariff will end epileptic power supply – Orji
*Gombe releases N120m for scholarship
*Kogi NUT threatens strike
*Constituency petitions INEC against Taraba Deputy Speaker
*CBN cracks down on financial terrorism
*Benue lawmakers seek commissioner's sack
*Man killed over PHCN bill
*Drug abuse in children is on increase – Imo NDLEA
*Kidnapped Judge regains freedom in Delta state
»Foreign:
*Mitt Romney says he paid 'at least 13 percent' in taxes annually for past 10 years
*20,000 Pairs of Fake Designer Shoes Seized In US
*ECOWAS Parliament averted deportation of Nigerians from Ghana
*e-bay bans sale of magic spells and potions
*Tight security for Chelsea million-man party
*HSBC assisting US in tax evasion probe
*'ICC competent to try Gbagbo'
*Pakistan frees 55 Indians
*Argentine ex-president on trial for bribery
*ECOWAS troops only welcome in north – Mali
*Families of slain Iranian scientists sue Israel
*West reneging on Syria deal – Russia
*WikiLeaks:
Ecuadorian Foreign Minister Ricardo Patiño says WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, has been granted asylum in Ecuador as he wants to avoid being sent to Sweden to face sexual assault allegations
»Entertainment:
*Nelson Mandela's grandson kicks wife out after DNA test reveals "Son" is His Brother's
*CNN Anderson Cooper calls off engagement with GAY Partner, Ben Maisani, over alleged cheating
*Latest Trending News:
Baby #7 on the way for 2Face as Annie Macaulay is pregnant
*Banky W and Wizkid in alleged US fraud scandal as Wizkid's cancelled California concert stirs angry fans
*Woman Burns 9-year-old House girl in buttocks & private with electric iron
*Son defiles stepmother, claims he was seduced; father confused on whose side to be
*Rihanna opens up to Oprah about Chris Brown: "I lost my best friend"
*Bobby Brown checks himself into rehab for alcohol addiction
*Durbar Festival cancelled
*Husband seeks divorce from fetish wife as she tells court "My husband doesn't want more children, so he pours semen on my stomach"

Punctuation

An English Professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

Art Class drawing

During an Art Class
Teacher: Class Please draw a goat eating Grass.
Akpos: Aunty, should we ....

PRESS

Akpos walked into a political rally and saw a beautiful young lady journalist with a badge on her chest reading 'PRESS'

News Tit Bit 15 AUG 2012 Part 2

* Zinox to begin production of decoders http://t.co/zcKsfCMX".
* Institutions charged to sensitise students on IFRS adoption http://t.co/ooe9MwbZ".

* Address effects of oil exploration, C'River tells FG http://t.co/KcJFFiB5"

* FG set to check expatriate quota abuses http://t.co/N5lKlL43".

* Sterling Bank restates commitment to entrepreneurial development http://t.co/QOYbJdOe".

* World Bank report on Nigeria's investment climate http://t.co/6Gyp03SP".

* RIM begins training of Nigerian app developers http://t.co/Xj11nYTF".

* Etisalat extends Internet coverage to 22 cities http://t.co/OtXunrYl.

* RSL gets FMBN approval to disburse N411m http://t.co/2WEyqMwP.

* Domestic debt rises to N6.153tn http://t.co/SBOq6SGk".
* Bank customers welcome new policy on cheque clearance http://t.co/W4ztcqi2".

* Multilinks, Starcomms, MTS in merger talks http://t.co/uQcTLD3I" B4 nko.

* LP chieftain threatens to sue Jonathan http://t.co/AphhckAA".
* Nigeria's 2020 dream unrealistic – ASUU http://t.co/WnVEsCmc".
* Subsidy savings: FG, states, LGs share N248.85bn http://t.co/T3ataLhc".

* Sack sports minister, directors for failing Nigeria — Chukwumerije http://t.co/IBmWVQZi".

* Black American mayors for Badagry Festival http://t.co/qIVqv9iq".

* Community, Mobil report oil spill in Ibeno, Akwa Ibom http://t.co/em1jdDnP".

* Orhii and the battle against counterfeit drugs http://t.co/eIJd3I2Z".

* Students sue for losses during lecturers' strike http://t.co/WJnMIpit.

* Brent hits three-month top above $114 on supply worries http://t.co/GP0Ary2b".

* National Emergency Management Agency officials trapped in Shendam, as bridge linking Plateau, Nasarawa and Taraba states collapses.".
* NATCOMS to host telecom subscribers summit http://t.co/3vwWdSFS".

* Blame NSC for Team Nigeria's woes – Ajunwa http://t.co/T42ZFF4I" yes na.

* Islam against bombing campaign, says Don http://t.co/Bye16Iyu".

* Consumer Protection Council seals four filling stations in Aba for allegedly selling adulterated fuel, hands over attendants to police.".

* Bomb blast kills three in Kaduna http://t.co/WeLXXsr9".

* Scrap Police Affairs Ministry – Presidential C'ttee http://t.co/t2xmBCh7".

* The Nation - Retired IGPs meet Jonathan on security http://t.co/ATgG6jhB".

* Flooding kills at least 28; wrecks homes, bridges and farmland in Jos http://t.co/Y1uIlEK5 via @vanguardngrnews @mobilepunch @channels_tv".

* Police recover 996 IEDs in Kano http://t.co/gAaxH61R".

* Jonathan should not resign - OPC http://t.co/TXV3Lxxh".

* First session: Senate, strong in motions, weak in bills http://t.co/yp5FvHS9".

* ANPP blames FG for Olympics failure http://t.co/DqvwIX6o".
* Strike paralyses academic activities at Rivers Varsity http://t.co/pRQr8l9f".

* Residents flee Damaturu, troops call for calm http://t.co/BwnbwagG".

* Osayande committee rejects state police http://t.co/EymwJexh".

* Two suspected bombers killed by own explosives on Ali Akilu Road in Kaduna, police spokesman, Abubakar Balpeh says".

* Lagos restricts use of facebook, twitter http://t.co/9hE01Dog".

News Bites 15th Aug 2012

* 20 Nigerians,11 organisations get Productivity Awards http://t.co/ceeUymgF".

* SERIAL KILLINGS: Another cyclist hacked to death in Enugu community http://t.co/v2i5vywU".
* Boko Haram not religious group – Junaid Mohammed http://t.co/13pR2SNm".

* Two Niger State traditional rulers crushed to death http://t.co/kffDvhoi".

* Fake voter-registration in Ondo – INEC http://t.co/5vuJadt9".

* Wada advises Christians against avenging Kogi church attack http://t.co/j50IvOAm".
* NBA asks FG to call Ogoni, Bayelsa govt to order http://t.co/mZ0P8Su8".

* Jos Crisis: Right group seeks ICC's intervention http://t.co/edPYun1r".

* Edo PDP: The centre can no longer hold http://t.co/FNab3G0F" hehehehe!!

* We went to sleep after Atlanta '96 – Falilat Ogunkoya http://t.co/aCPQuORR".

* Nsukka group insists on creation of Adada State http://t.co/jkboBLkl".

* Glo tasks Eagles to make Nigeria proud http://t.co/IiTkfvai" hope dem hear?

* Police Inspector, 2 suspects die in gun duel http://t.co/UU2cTFqF".

* NASA: Five new photos of Mars from Curiosity rover http://t.co/bEb5cF6i".

* Dana crash: Victim's corpse 'disappears' in morgue http://t.co/gNFfqIp9" :/.

* Okupe denies ACN's accusation, points at Ikuforiji http://t.co/85x3CcGI".

* Guinean, Ivorian athletes join defection train http://t.co/i4fPiFof".

* Youths express frustration over situation in Nigeria http://t.co/0JtGA2Pa".

* Woman arraigned for hiring soldiers to beat up co-tenant http://t.co/ZUAKm6HP"

Eating Chocolate

Chukumah was in a taxi eating chocolate,then he took another one and another, there was an old man sitting next 2 him who said