Give them what They want

Akpos stepped into a pub to relax
his nerves this sunny afternoon.
While in the bar Akpos shouted
and said to the barman; "Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy cus wen I drink stout, everybody drinks stout."
The barman obeyed and all the people in the bar started hailing Akpos while sipping on their free drinks.
Akpos ordered again: Barman! Give me a bottle of small stout and give everybody here 2 bottles of big stout let them enjoy cus wen I drink stout, everybody drinks stout.
At this juncture everybody cheered and hailed Akpos. After some minutes again Akpos said: barman give me a plate of fish peppersoup and give everybody here two plates of fish peppersoup each, let them eat while I eat. The barman obeyed.
They were so happy and heaped praises on Akpos while they ate and drank. Some minutes later, they were shocked to the marrow when Akpos beckoned on the Barman and said to him; "Bring me my bill and also give everybody here their bill too cus when I pay my bill, everybody will pay their bills too!"
Akpos is still in coma at the intensive care unit of Central Hospital in Warri.

Stand Up

Maria dozed off in church during a sermon when the preacher decided to switch the topic. Suddenly She heard "STAND UP NOW" from the Preacher, Maria snapped out of her slumber and jumped to her feet. She noticed that she was the only one standing. She also noticed the shock on the faces of the entire congregation looking at her including her husband and her son. The stares made her confused until the preacher repeated, “This is your last chance! If you are involve in witchcraft, charms or an occult, STAND UP NOW FOR DELIVERANCE!”

Leaky Roof

For a very long time, Nnanna had been battling with a leak in his roof.
One fateful night, there was a heavy downpour and he had to move from one corner of the room to the other to avoid getting soaked.
The downpour lasted throughout the night and he couldn't sleep all through.
The following morning, he decided to fix the roof.
After scouting for a ladder in his neighbourhood, he climbed his roof.

All Women

During an argument, a husband told his wife "Women are just donkeys. " All women are donkeys!

Free Tonight

One night a pangolo asked his girlfriend (Rukevwe): "Darling are you free tonight"

Good Friend

Some soldiers arrested Kpeku and asked him to carry 1,000 blocks to the other side of the road. He had moved over 900 blocks before he saw the commandant and quickly recognised him as an old classmate. He called his name and briefly explained everything to him.

Should I Tell Him

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

Wine Taster

In an alcohol factory the regular Taster died and the Director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The Director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.

Acts

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.

Busted

A man catches this guy having sex with his wife n beats him up and sends him away naked. So the guy finds his way home naked since it was dark.

Future Tense

TEACHER: I killed a person "convert this sentence into a future tense.

Types Of Gases

A teacher was teaching the topic TYPES OF GASES and the students gave examples such as oxygen,hydrogen,carbondioxide and others.

Skipping Service

A Pastor decided to skip services one Sunday and head to obudu hills to do some hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a lion, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. His rifle went one way, and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.

Bee Country

Teacher: what do you call a bee that lives in America?..

Or What?

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

Buying on the Express

Dokpemu was travelling in his private car along the Lagos-Ore express road, when he sited a huge bushmeat hanging on a stick from afar & decided to buy. He stopped & priced.......... Madam,how much is ur bushmeat???.... Oga na 7000naira...... Haba Madam, e too cost, na how much U go sell am last???....Oga bring 6500........

Impress

A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl ,

Freezer Killer

Two women met at the pearly gate.

Banatation

A teacher asked a question "what do u call a place where plantains are planted?"

Returning the favour

A man was starved of sex bcos his wife had put 2 birth thru CS.
One day, the wife said Eeyaa!, my Love, I know how u must be feeling bcos of my condition; abeg take this #2000 and look for someone and satisfy urself.