Sunday, 30 December 2012
Busted
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Future Tense
Types Of Gases
Skipping Service
Or What?
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
Buying on the Express
Friday, 28 December 2012
Impress
Banatation
Returning the favour
One day, the wife said Eeyaa!, my Love, I know how u must be feeling bcos of my condition; abeg take this #2000 and look for someone and satisfy urself.
U get Loaf of Bread
Getting Along
Winning lottery
Thursday, 27 December 2012
Bad English
1. Don’t dare talk in front of my back.!
2. Both of you three get out of the class.!
3. Take 5 cm wire of any length.!
Bitter Leaf
CSI Brazilian
No be foolishness
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
Not the same Guy
What's The capital
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Burial Money
Looking for My wife
"Am looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she's not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess".
Punctuation
Monday, 19 November 2012
Heaven and Hell
Akpos::: So finally I make heave after all d rubbish wey I do 4 life Tank God 4 God o:O
Angel Micheal::: Oya cum enter ya room
Akpos::: Bros Micheal wetin dey sup 4 downstairs cos d noise na DIE
Angel Micheal:: Na hell fire b dat
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Child naming
.
Rev: Which name would you like your child to bear?
Akpos: (With smiles all over his face) Akpos!
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Formula for Water
Osobaifo: H I J K L M N O.
Hidden Facts
1) 90% of people in Australia
don't drink milk.
2) Snake's vision...is up to 5km
3) A man can touch sun if his
body is completely surrounded by mercury.
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Hotel Guests
The manager told him:
"...in here we give every customer personalized services and you have to be very observant so you know how to address their every need even before they ask"
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
Types Of Coffee
Bolous:- Two types.
Lazarus Surname
TEACHER: What is d surname of Lazarus that Jesus rose from d dead?
OGBORIKOKO: Comfort.
20th Floor
"Damn, that was stupid" she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 13th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
Monday, 15 October 2012
Ghost Man
He would simply alight at the cemetery junction, fill his nostrils with cotton and speak nasally.
This scared every driver and rider and wouldn't dare ask him for money.
Ogborikoko did this for years and successfully outwitted every driver thinking he was a ghost.
One cool evening, Ogborikoko boarded this okada and as usual alighted at the cemetery junction.
"MONEY?" the angry looking Okada man asked.
Cool Radio
Thursday, 27 September 2012
Airport Left
Cemetary runs
He would simply alight at the cemetery junction, fill his nostrils with cotton and speak nasally.
This scared every driver and rider and wouldn't dare ask him for money.
Thursday, 20 September 2012
What do you call people from...?
Oborikoko: I don't know Sir.
Beatings
are you doing? His father replied, 'I am beating your mummy'
Oborikoko thought for a while with sad face and said Mama, but what offence at all have you committed in this house?
.
Side Effects
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
Errand
Transfer Pain
Sunday, 16 September 2012
Get Mine
Friday, 14 September 2012
You no Sabi
Anofia: Ahhh...haba guy
Emeka: Na so. I fit prove am sef. If na night and u see 2 light for road, na wetin be dat?
Anofia: Na moto.
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
Make me bread and tea
JIDE: u get loaf of bread?
Sunday, 9 September 2012
Friday, 31 August 2012
Lecture
Turn to Your neighbour
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Brother In Law
Zulus
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
The Game
Next Week's Sermon
Dr. Ugochi
Sunday, 26 August 2012
Wahala is
You go apologise tire.
Saturday, 25 August 2012
Drunk in the Cinema
Bridge Jump
Dogo and Akpos were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I go bet you N1000 he go jump," said Dogo. "I go Bet you N1000 he won't," said Akpos.
Major James Monitoring
But on one faithful day, her boyfriend called & major picked d call as usual.
Major: hello! may I know u?
Friday, 24 August 2012
Under the Table
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The Most Stupid
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Methaphor
Hot Water Phone
The One Above
I cheated
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
FAVORITE FLOWER
Akpos: "Krysantomanus esculanta"
PLS TAKE COVER
Dear my dearest Akpors
This is your girlfriend calling. Before I go on, how is your air condition?
You do something I dont like at all. You take another girlfriend & it pains me.
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Not in touch
man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
FURTHER MATHS
AKPOS: 10 doughnuts.
Tues 21st Aug 2012 News
* PDP, ACN bicker over Okupe http://t.co/Q8QfwIoW"
* Police begin probe of alleged suicide by corporal after shooting wife, 2 daughters http://t.co/nKlSEwMy".
Monday, 20 August 2012
Library Book Return
Mosquito
A young mosquito went out flying for the first time in its life. When It came back,
the father asked,
"how was It out there & how did u feel?"
Imagining
Thou Shall Not Lie
Sunday, 19 August 2012
What you eat in your Country
Stolen Car
in to his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal,
even the accelerator," he cried out.
Saturday, 18 August 2012
8 WOMEN MEN SHOULDN'T DATE.
Men have the gift of spotting baggage- carriers from afar off, as well as the skill to avoid them.
Well, most men… If you’re one of the helpless souls who do not, here are the 8 types of women that
no young Nigerian man should date. At all.
Sugar Test
News Bits 18-AUG-2012
* Driver, 28, pleads guilty for stealing madam's car http://t.co/QY5p09Ga".
* Separation won't remove all our misfortunes' http://t.co/NqJWFTRo". * Jonathan's survival depends on him – Eichie http://t.co/9EF0Ffmn".
* Uduaghan urged to develop Aniocha South http://t.co/XPoktDC1".
* The Premier League returns tomorrow. THIS should get you pumped -> http://t.co/zg0F6DnC" :D \=D/. * Nigerians lament the new import duty on flour
*small scale bakers may close shops http://t.co/7oKHRLRi".
* Raising Nigeria's education standard needs maximum approach http://t.co/q4eSE5Yz". * Zuma expresses shock over masscare of more than 36 mine workers http://t.co/NPcOF0hv". * Using BlackBerry 7.1? Learn about a new feature: Application Resource Monitor. Read about it ... http://t.co/SuAEzVrO".
* Be your brothers' keeper, Mark urges Nigerians http://t.co/ghN1ORAS" u nko?
* Unless we pray, there won't be election in 2015, foretell White Witches http://t.co/6xUs2FfD". * 938 persons kidnapped in 8 months in South East – CD http://t.co/jKeVJ1A1"@ least.
* Ex-Enugu governor, Chimaroke Nnamani, is alive -Associates - http://t.co/MK088XeB http://t.co/Bn9F239W".
* Gunmen kill former Shehu of Borno's secretary http://t.co/xjFbFpvM".
* Okene killings: Security beefed up around suspects as police begin interrogation http://t.co/Bk10exSA".
* Why I didn't retire Abacha before I left http://t.co/mjOcUHWO".
* Why we applied to UN, AU for recognition – Onwuka http://t.co/CKyN03PV".
* Local government leeches http://t.co/xyDk9FhG".
* Major declaration of independent Bakassi will soon be made http://t.co/QXCVqG2G". * Bayelsa Flag and Coat-of-Arms http://t.co/G8Wn9cvb".
* ASUU boss brutalised as RSUST VC crisis deepens http://t.co/yzvdxbiC".
* PPM issue lingers nationwide http://t.co/vSUlVALO". * Tension in Bayelsa as JTF gunboat, passenger boat collide http://t.co/oA9zCWig"
* PHCN: NLC commences solidarity strike next Wednesday http://t.co/y3w8H2Ee". * Jonathan must be seen to be decisive else Nigeria is gone, says Gen Ikpomwen http://t.co/BI9eJPmG".
* Nigerians speak on Ogoni, Bakassi political autonomy http://t.co/yPDQrvtw".
* Fear grips Enugu community as Fulani herdsmen kill 2 teenagers http://t.co/g2KFIBd4".
* 15 students paraded over illegal possession of army uniform http://t.co/x44Y8XBt". * Structuring Nollywood: The MOPICON option http://t.co/0U7GKEpA"e wan spoil o
* Ex Nollywood actress battles breast cancer http://t.co/wudvpr05".
* Bolt under pressure to break up with girlfriend http://t.co/yHLpgfOb"he wan run.
Successful Sons
Those who remained talked about their kids.
419
Ayo:Fine. Pls, who am I speaking with?
Mr. 419: Haba, don't you remember me? Who do you know in UK dat could be calling?
(Sensing a scam, I threw in a trap…)
Ayo: Johnson! Is that you? (Meanwhile,I don't know any Johnson in UK.) (Thinking it's a break, he swallows the bait)
News Update 17-AUG-2012
*Proposed strike:
FG, Labour meeting deadlocked
*ACN urges Jonathan to sack Okupe
*Oyerinde:
Oshiomhole wants FG to probe Police, SSS contradictions
*Intrigues as Ijesa chief's trial resumes
*Police reform:
Minister says the Presidential Committee is going beyond its brief
*FG Reiterates readiness to discuss with Boko Haram
*Dana coroner:
Plane examined for 12 mins before flight – Witness
*Explosion rocks Ogoniland
*Olubolade rejects advice to scrap Police Ministry
*FAAC withdraws $1bn as excess Crude Account rises to $7.5bn
*FG improves Gas supply to PHCN, NIPP Plants
*Subsidy:
FG Pays N42.6bn to 31 Marketers
*Army Chief:
Ihejirika says "Our efforts are paying off", insists "we must stamp out Terrorism"
*2015:
PDP yet to decide on Jonathan's fate – Babatope
*Jonathan raises white paper panel on police reform report
*Nigeria, India to review air service agreement
*Pension Reforms:
Okonjo-Iweala seeks partnership with ICPC
*Lagos task force persecuting us – Landowners
*ASUU slams Elechi over Ebonyi varsity name-change
*NSCDC arrests five, recovers petrol stored in sacks
*Ogun PDP asks court to sack Oyinlola as party's national secretary
*Alamieyeseigha drums support for state police
*Onitsha traders protest demolition of structures by govt
*PHCN workers call off strike
*Why we are holding talks with Boko Haram – FG
*CBN to issue N71bn Treasury bills
*Nigeria to be included in JP Morgan index
*Govt, gas firms step up stable power bid, to clear N26b debt
*Govt warns masterminds of explosion in Ogoni
*Govt borrowed N42.67b to pay fuel subsidy, says Okonjo-Iweala
*NYSC:
Police deploy bomb detectors to schools, hostels
*Don blames mass failure in WAEC on poor funding of schools
*Deeper Life Okene Attacks:
Human Rights Group claims 'The police arrested the victims not the terrorists'
*Multi-year tariff will end epileptic power supply – Orji
*Gombe releases N120m for scholarship
*Kogi NUT threatens strike
*Constituency petitions INEC against Taraba Deputy Speaker
*CBN cracks down on financial terrorism
*Benue lawmakers seek commissioner's sack
*Man killed over PHCN bill
*Drug abuse in children is on increase – Imo NDLEA
*Kidnapped Judge regains freedom in Delta state
»Foreign:
*Mitt Romney says he paid 'at least 13 percent' in taxes annually for past 10 years
*20,000 Pairs of Fake Designer Shoes Seized In US
*ECOWAS Parliament averted deportation of Nigerians from Ghana
*e-bay bans sale of magic spells and potions
*Tight security for Chelsea million-man party
*HSBC assisting US in tax evasion probe
*'ICC competent to try Gbagbo'
*Pakistan frees 55 Indians
*Argentine ex-president on trial for bribery
*ECOWAS troops only welcome in north – Mali
*Families of slain Iranian scientists sue Israel
*West reneging on Syria deal – Russia
*WikiLeaks:
Ecuadorian Foreign Minister Ricardo Patiño says WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, has been granted asylum in Ecuador as he wants to avoid being sent to Sweden to face sexual assault allegations
»Entertainment:
*Nelson Mandela's grandson kicks wife out after DNA test reveals "Son" is His Brother's
*CNN Anderson Cooper calls off engagement with GAY Partner, Ben Maisani, over alleged cheating
*Latest Trending News:
Baby #7 on the way for 2Face as Annie Macaulay is pregnant
*Banky W and Wizkid in alleged US fraud scandal as Wizkid's cancelled California concert stirs angry fans
*Woman Burns 9-year-old House girl in buttocks & private with electric iron
*Son defiles stepmother, claims he was seduced; father confused on whose side to be
*Rihanna opens up to Oprah about Chris Brown: "I lost my best friend"
*Bobby Brown checks himself into rehab for alcohol addiction
*Durbar Festival cancelled
*Husband seeks divorce from fetish wife as she tells court "My husband doesn't want more children, so he pours semen on my stomach"
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Punctuation
Art Class drawing
Teacher: Class Please draw a goat eating Grass.
Akpos: Aunty, should we ....
PRESS
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
News Tit Bit 15 AUG 2012 Part 2
* Institutions charged to sensitise students on IFRS adoption http://t.co/ooe9MwbZ".
* Address effects of oil exploration, C'River tells FG http://t.co/KcJFFiB5"
* FG set to check expatriate quota abuses http://t.co/N5lKlL43".
* Sterling Bank restates commitment to entrepreneurial development http://t.co/QOYbJdOe".
* World Bank report on Nigeria's investment climate http://t.co/6Gyp03SP".
* RIM begins training of Nigerian app developers http://t.co/Xj11nYTF".
* Etisalat extends Internet coverage to 22 cities http://t.co/OtXunrYl.
* RSL gets FMBN approval to disburse N411m http://t.co/2WEyqMwP.
* Domestic debt rises to N6.153tn http://t.co/SBOq6SGk".
* Bank customers welcome new policy on cheque clearance http://t.co/W4ztcqi2".
* Multilinks, Starcomms, MTS in merger talks http://t.co/uQcTLD3I" B4 nko.
* LP chieftain threatens to sue Jonathan http://t.co/AphhckAA".
* Nigeria's 2020 dream unrealistic – ASUU http://t.co/WnVEsCmc".
* Subsidy savings: FG, states, LGs share N248.85bn http://t.co/T3ataLhc".
* Sack sports minister, directors for failing Nigeria — Chukwumerije http://t.co/IBmWVQZi".
* Black American mayors for Badagry Festival http://t.co/qIVqv9iq".
* Community, Mobil report oil spill in Ibeno, Akwa Ibom http://t.co/em1jdDnP".
* Orhii and the battle against counterfeit drugs http://t.co/eIJd3I2Z".
* Students sue for losses during lecturers' strike http://t.co/WJnMIpit.
* Brent hits three-month top above $114 on supply worries http://t.co/GP0Ary2b".
* National Emergency Management Agency officials trapped in Shendam, as bridge linking Plateau, Nasarawa and Taraba states collapses.".
* NATCOMS to host telecom subscribers summit http://t.co/3vwWdSFS".
* Blame NSC for Team Nigeria's woes – Ajunwa http://t.co/T42ZFF4I" yes na.
* Islam against bombing campaign, says Don http://t.co/Bye16Iyu".
* Consumer Protection Council seals four filling stations in Aba for allegedly selling adulterated fuel, hands over attendants to police.".
* Bomb blast kills three in Kaduna http://t.co/WeLXXsr9".
* Scrap Police Affairs Ministry – Presidential C'ttee http://t.co/t2xmBCh7".
* The Nation - Retired IGPs meet Jonathan on security http://t.co/ATgG6jhB".
* Flooding kills at least 28; wrecks homes, bridges and farmland in Jos http://t.co/Y1uIlEK5 via @vanguardngrnews @mobilepunch @channels_tv".
* Police recover 996 IEDs in Kano http://t.co/gAaxH61R".
* Jonathan should not resign - OPC http://t.co/TXV3Lxxh".
* First session: Senate, strong in motions, weak in bills http://t.co/yp5FvHS9".
* ANPP blames FG for Olympics failure http://t.co/DqvwIX6o".
* Strike paralyses academic activities at Rivers Varsity http://t.co/pRQr8l9f".
* Residents flee Damaturu, troops call for calm http://t.co/BwnbwagG".
* Osayande committee rejects state police http://t.co/EymwJexh".
* Two suspected bombers killed by own explosives on Ali Akilu Road in Kaduna, police spokesman, Abubakar Balpeh says".
* Lagos restricts use of facebook, twitter http://t.co/9hE01Dog".
News Bites 15th Aug 2012
* SERIAL KILLINGS: Another cyclist hacked to death in Enugu community http://t.co/v2i5vywU".
* Boko Haram not religious group – Junaid Mohammed http://t.co/13pR2SNm".
* Two Niger State traditional rulers crushed to death http://t.co/kffDvhoi".
* Fake voter-registration in Ondo – INEC http://t.co/5vuJadt9".
* Wada advises Christians against avenging Kogi church attack http://t.co/j50IvOAm".
* NBA asks FG to call Ogoni, Bayelsa govt to order http://t.co/mZ0P8Su8".
* Jos Crisis: Right group seeks ICC's intervention http://t.co/edPYun1r".
* Edo PDP: The centre can no longer hold http://t.co/FNab3G0F" hehehehe!!
* We went to sleep after Atlanta '96 – Falilat Ogunkoya http://t.co/aCPQuORR".
* Nsukka group insists on creation of Adada State http://t.co/jkboBLkl".
* Glo tasks Eagles to make Nigeria proud http://t.co/IiTkfvai" hope dem hear?
* Police Inspector, 2 suspects die in gun duel http://t.co/UU2cTFqF".
* NASA: Five new photos of Mars from Curiosity rover http://t.co/bEb5cF6i".
* Dana crash: Victim's corpse 'disappears' in morgue http://t.co/gNFfqIp9" :/.
* Okupe denies ACN's accusation, points at Ikuforiji http://t.co/85x3CcGI".
* Guinean, Ivorian athletes join defection train http://t.co/i4fPiFof".
* Youths express frustration over situation in Nigeria http://t.co/0JtGA2Pa".
* Woman arraigned for hiring soldiers to beat up co-tenant http://t.co/ZUAKm6HP"
Eating Chocolate
Monday, 13 August 2012
New Bits
Friday, 10 August 2012
Where are your kids?
He got the car and started sending it on errands.
He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was tired.
The man agreed.
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Complete The Story
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Rice and Beans
using the words beans and Rice.
Kweku: I ate beans and rice last night for supper.
Sheku: Mom cooked beans for us
this morning
Dan: I just ate rice for lunch.
Dumukpalor: We human rice because We are all human Beans!
ESSAY WRITING BY AKPOS PART 2
Sleeping on duty
AKPOS WRITES AN ESSAY;
The Bibol is fulled of interesting caricatures
Correct Your English
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
Dim Wit
Stop And Check
Man driving clean car around
Yaba was flagged down @ police checkpoint.
Fans
Friday, 3 August 2012
Curses
Husband: We are done. I'm driving home alone.
Is Play we
Capitalization
Our Mistress
Shop Trick
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Key in the Car
After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room it wasn't there,
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Spell Plantain
RUKEVWE: "which of them"?
Total
Financial Management
No No No
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Lost Money
Teacher: Why are u late?
Junior: A man lost #500.
Making Tea
Policeman vs Bus driver
Driver: Oga OC, I no get driver's licence o.
Rope
Confession Time
How Great our Fathers are
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
Monday, 30 July 2012
Two Big Girls
Journey
Meaning Of Dreams
Amnesty
AKPOS: yes malee.
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Donation
Yawa!!!!
English and Pigdin
PIDGIN: As dem yan 4 bible!
Dim Wit
Right and Wrong
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Library Book
Rapist".
Crazy Not Equal to Stupid
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
STRETCH MARKS
"Now that we are engaged, we should start calling each other pet names".
He asked her, "So what do u want to be calling me?" She said,
"I'll be calling u TIGER".
"Why?" he asked.
"Coz u're handsome, tall, charming, strong,
calculating and smart.
Friday, 27 July 2012
The Kind Of Girl
Suicide
One Million For 5 children
Child Of God
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Business Student
She responds loudly: "No! I don't wanna spend the night with u!" Everyone at the bar turns & stares at d guy.
D guy shocked & embarrassed goes back 2 his table
Evolution
D Mom answered, “God made Adam& Eve, they had children& so was mankind made.”
2 days l8r d girl asked her Dad d same question.
D Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys 4rm which d human race evolved.”
Finders
Fry Egg
Doctor
UNCLE: Ahh! Junior long time. How r u doing?
Junior: I'm ok,thank u. I came looking for admission 2 realise my dream of becoming a doctor. And with ur help Sir, I believe I won't have any difficulty.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
My Daddy
"One Naira." answered Akpors
Whats the Difference
Claiming
Monday, 23 July 2012
Children of Isreal
after a very interesting topic.
the teacher asked, "any question?"
a small boy raised up his hand looking very
confused....
Aunty: what is your question Akpos?
Akpos: Aunty, you said the children of israel escaped from egypt?
Aunty: yes,
Photocopy Machine
Sunday, 22 July 2012
The Height of Laziness
Mom: Come and get it yourself
Boy: please mom
Escaped
Wings
DISTINGUISH
Saturday, 21 July 2012
Four Robbers
Commodity Sellers
plastic seller= Alabo,
Month Of Ramadan
My small Income
Friday, 20 July 2012
Jealous
Down by The River
Jiggy
iShag
Thursday, 19 July 2012
Is Sex Work
Your Worry
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
Bra size
Panku: i Wan buy bra for my wife Seller: ok sir, Abeg What size?
Man: I no Really know o
What's The difference
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Coming From London for a wife
The Lady and the Guy's Inbox
1..I luv u dear (Bello)
2..Can i take u out tonite? (Bassey)
3..I always feel bad when I see u with another man (Okoye)
4.. Sweetie don't forget d trip (MD)
5..Darling, av u seen d credit I sent u? (Collins)
Speaking To God
Tamuno: "Teacher are u..... Sleeping in class"
TEACHER: "No, i am not sleeping in class"
Tamuno: "What were u doing Sir"
Send the Text
Atongo: Please send a text 2 my
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
How Much you love me
Johnny's Chick
Happy Birthday Tuyu
Jona: I wonder what's going on next door.
Pat: It's a birthday party!
I dey look you sincee
Confessions Of A Lady
Monday, 16 July 2012
Responsible Guy
Encyclopedia for Sale
Obituary
Sunday, 15 July 2012
Where are you from?
Nurse Titi
Pub in London
The Son Of
homework. He said to himself,"
Two plus five, the son of a bitch
is seven. Three plus six, the son
of a bitch is nine, " His mother
heard what he was saying and
gasped, "What are you doing Akpos?"
Akpos answered, "I'm
doing my maths homework,
My Children are More Foolish Than Yours.
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Who does He Choose
Construction Time
Milk Strength
Friday, 13 July 2012
When did you Realise
Angry Husband
Going to Heaven
Name for twins
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Constable Tunde
The Thief Machine
Jumping Up and Down
Out of Curiousity
Because of You
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
junior Please chop
Low Battery( The caller of the year)
Police Call
What Would You have?
What's Your Major?
Dapo: 'It is fine sir'.
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Solve The Equation
Do You want to Go To Heaven?
Dear Teasher
She Wont Speak
Getting in The House
Monday, 9 July 2012
Whos is that person
Another Birthday Gift
Birthday Gift
Who Wants To be A millionaire
Sunday, 8 July 2012
The Recruits
Job Interview
Book Keeping
Landing In London
Saturday, 7 July 2012
My Boss
Which Book
Friday, 6 July 2012
Dad joined facebook.
Confession Time
Guy: I hid something from you.
Facebook Wedding Status
PRIEST: Do you agree to change your facebook status to married...?
Special Package
Frenzy in The kitchen
Thursday, 5 July 2012
Thats My Son
Pawa Pawa
I love you
But I adore You
Our Problem
Wife: we are married & never say I have a problem, say we have a problem.
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Please Buy me Milk
Crying at the Beach
Playing Dress Up
Whats Your Opinion
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
I suspect
Can You Help me
Senior Citizen BMW
Correct Your English
Rasaki's Duty
Sermon for next Week
Monday, 2 July 2012
Familiar Face
Wetin You for be
What Do you See
Library Book
Casket Maker
The great dissapointment
Sunday, 1 July 2012
Zebra Crossing
Restaurant Order
Broken down lift
Speak Now Or
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Suitcase Of Money
Police Line up
Dearest Susan
Simply devastated. Won't u please consider coming back 2 me?
Same Colour Briefs
Going To Market
Akpos- Me sir.
TEACHER- ok.
Nothing is impossible Apply wisdom
Dad: She is Bill gates daughter.
Test on the High Sea
Friday, 29 June 2012
Without Poo
Father Shark: Follow me, son, 1st we swim around dem a few times with the tip of our fins showing"
&They did Well done son! Now we swim around dem a few more times with all of fins & teeth showing & They did.
Beans Things
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Phone Call Help
Bible Scriptures
One of his members saw him and asked him: "But Pastor the Bible says 'no weapon fashioned against us shall prosper'".
Philosophy of Life!
Change The Subject
Geography Lesson
Scatter Ground
examination hall........
Other classmates dey shout "wetin happen na! wetin happen na!".
What's in a Name?
Angel
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
Heart Transplant
Airplane
one of the madmen enterz da Pilots cabin....
Two Men
Man: i was driving at about 40mph, when i tried to stop i found that i had no brakes.
Sleep Around
Tissue Paper
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Thinking Of Girls
Wife Of Who
Husband: stupid man wife.....
Papa Ehi's Heart Transplant
Papa Ehis : "Doctor ever since my heart transplant I always think of sex, money and more sex. Have I grown younger?".
Tech Support Logic
Monday, 25 June 2012
You Got Mail
Whatever He says
Together At Last
Animals on Facebook
Chances of Survival
Doc to wife :- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,
don’t discuss ur problems, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
The Waiting Room
Saturday, 23 June 2012
Committees Setup
Do Not Urinate Here
Friday, 22 June 2012
The Taxi Ride
Thursday, 21 June 2012
The Obedient Wife
of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his
money. Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die,
I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with
me.'
If I have......
Concentrate On your Studies
Akpos :- Aunty I don't know oh..
Walking on Water
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Wetin You carry
Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
The Photo shop Fiasco
What do you know exactly
The American is thinking that Nigerians are so dumb that he can fool them easily. . .
So he asks if the Nigerian would like to play a fun game.
The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The American persists and says that the game is fun.
Your Pass Mark
It's written on it............
Name ~ Matilda Sackey.
Age ~ 35.
Sex ~ F.
Consolation Fee
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
I make you feel guilty
My birthday Gift Love
Sun Of My Life
Boy: of course!
Switch
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
I Am In Love
Father: That's great son. Who is it?
Son: It's Sandra, the neighbour's daughter.
Let's Do Comparisms
Let's do comparisions…So I say small, U say small, smaller, smallest..
I want to buy petrol
Patrick: guy, abeg give me full tank
Attendant: I only speak english,sir
Monday, 18 June 2012
Radio Request
Where will it take you.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
The IIl's Of Alchohol
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Birthday Gift
Akpos : "Na futuball I go give am"
Office Temp
Something New
Take Nonsense
Friday, 15 June 2012
Respectful Girls
Song Dedication
Tamuno Goes to write Jamb Exam
Currency units
Bury The Money with Me
Master Question
Thursday, 14 June 2012
URGENT JOB VACANCY!!!!
You can Speak either English, Yoruba or Igbo, you are looking for a 9am-4pm job, with net salary of N35.5million p.a., weekly allowance of $2500 USD.
Pass English
BB Update
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Show Your Card
BREAKING NEWS
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Give According to The Beauty
Solve The Problem
Its going down tonight
Once everyone was seated he proceeded with his survey.
See Correct Fathers
watching and amidst great shouts and loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the
podium for their award presentation. The following conversation ensued:
Does that Mean you can?
Man: but I bought dis cigarette from ur shop.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Have a Baby
Picking My calls
That's the boss
Confession Time
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Saved You Money
Friday, 8 June 2012
New Monkey Business!
Monday, 4 June 2012
Stupid Answers to Stupid Questions
Ans: No! I ’m training to die.!!
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Some things you just can't explain
A man comes in and asks the farmer,
"Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
The farmer says,
"Some things you just can't explain."
Friday, 1 June 2012
Nigerian Sense of Humour
Room With a View
Basil Fawlty: As far as I can remember This is the view out of the window
Thursday, 31 May 2012
How Much do you Love me.
Boyfriend: I love u so much, I can't measure.
Pump Action
All Idiots Stand up!!
Akpos stood up.
Future Payment
Spoilt For Choice
Flight Executive: Would you like something to drink Sir? Some Juice perhaps?
Passenger: Yes Please!
Flight Executive: would you also like some wine to go with your meal Sir?
Passenger: Yes.
Flight Executive: Red or white?
Passenger: Red Please!
Flight Executive: South African or French?
Passenger: French
Name Change
From now onwards, You don't eat meat, our church eats only fish!!!
What Do You Want to Drink?
My guy: tea pls.
MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea?
My guy:Ceylon tea pls. MAID: how do u want it, black or white?
My guy: white. ...
What do you think I am?
Wife: Come help with the garden.
Husband: What do u think I am?a gardener?
Wife: Come fix the toilet faucet.
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Give am
Rat Radio
Principal
Girl: u know who I be?
Preggers
Busted
Gorrilla
Spring Break
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Sayings of The Unwise
Strike while the iron is hot and e go burn your hand
A bird in your hand go shit for your hand.
Take the bitter with the sweet so you no go get Jedi jedi.
There is plenty fish in the sea. But you be fisherman?
A stitch in time go saw your cloth.
Make hay to feed your animals.
The show must go on or you go lose money.
Silence is golden. Abeg give me Money.
Two wrongs mean say you fail am twice.
Two's company, Three's a crowd abeg wey the party.
Half bread is better than full chicken.
CIA Agents
I Too Sabi
2.Nneka says.....Ore mi give me your PIN lemme call u.
Wedding During Election
Chief Regular
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she chooses to surprise him & takes him to a very popular strip club.
So Far So Good
Hearing Aid Danger
Only in America
Hunting Flies
Monday, 28 May 2012
Plane Engineers
Porsche Charger
Porsche Matter
Guy: yes luv! My luv for u will never change.
Babe: dats my babyyyy
Babe: I want u to buy me somtin.
New Pastor
it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his
repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote
"Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
Coloured Briefs
Conversations With Just Questions
Where Ever you!!
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Pre schoolers
Do you know this?
Your Drink
Friday, 25 May 2012
Thursday, 24 May 2012
Love Surgery
Help Me
A Beautiful, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy inside a plane......The lady said to him ' Can you help me to remove something from my bosom?
Vacation for my son
"Hello, this is Atutopuyoyo Elementary," answers the principal.
Sugar Free
My relatives
Facebook Like
body."
Prayer Point
Pick Your Picture
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
EBAY SCAM ALERT.....BE CAREFUL!
Peace
The New Alphabet
Old Woman
Driving in Warri
Are You Relaxing?
Offering
Go Shopping
Chinwe: I'm not feeling well.
Where Are you?
Soap
The Slap
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
In The tree
Bridge Anyone
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
I Wear The Pants
so his Father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, 'Adamu, let me tell you something.
The Greek Gift
Negative
Get Out
Mama Chidi
Monday, 21 May 2012
Bates Family
Facial Surgery
Naked robber
Naija Light
Use a Word
Maths Pocket
N and D
Mental Hospital
Men Clap
Mama chicken
Not Addressed To You
One of the bodyguards: "I'm not sure whether I put enough explosive in this envelope before I sealed it."
Making A Baby
A Couple, Suresh and Reeta Sharma,in the US., were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
Little Boy's Prayer
KANU: But I don't know what to pray?
DAD: Just pray for your family members.
LASTMA Popo
Knocker
"Need A Person Who Never Leaves Me, Never Beats Me & Can Satisfy Me On Bed."
Know Know
Google: I have everything!